My Twitterive
Prologue
Tweets that inspired me:
so weird that this is the first year without softball.. missing RUSB every day #sadtweet
beautiful day :) perfect day for a catch
someone have a catch with meee
loving this spring time weather! :)
days like this make me miss softball so much.. just got a quick catch in before class though :)
playing wiffle ball #love
keep having dreams about softball.. wahhhh
fine ill skip class to play outside today....
going to find an open softball field with @rhiruggiero and @ashleylandi10..perf :)
if god loved us he would make every day like today..
so weird that this is the first year without softball.. missing RUSB every day #sadtweet
beautiful day :) perfect day for a catch
someone have a catch with meee
loving this spring time weather! :)
days like this make me miss softball so much.. just got a quick catch in before class though :)
playing wiffle ball #love
keep having dreams about softball.. wahhhh
fine ill skip class to play outside today....
going to find an open softball field with @rhiruggiero and @ashleylandi10..perf :)
if god loved us he would make every day like today..
Through my constant tweeting, I have come to the realization that my life without softball is incomplete. Almost a year ago today, I ended the best thing in my life. As heart breaking as it was, it was something that I needed to do to better myself. I miss it every single day, and although I claim to live my life with no regrets, this is something that I certainly regret. They say "you don't know what you've got til it's gone" and whoever they is was completely right. I didn't realize how much joy and happiness softball brought to me and I would have never imagined that I would feel so empty without it. To some people, they might think I'm crazy because it's "just a game" but to me, softball was so much more than that. It was a way of life for me for over 15 years and without it, I feel like there is a piece of me that is lost. There is no better feeling in the entire world than stepping onto that field, feeling your cleats step into the dirt, preparing for game day. The inspiration for writing my twitterive is to get these feelings of loneliness, sadness, and loss out of my system. I think it's going to be a difficult task for me, but with something that was such a huge part of my life for so many years, I'm hoping it won't be too much trouble!
Journal Entries
September 4th, 2008
Today was the first day of college softball practice. This is the first day of my college career. I was so excited and overwhelmed with so many emotions. Stepping onto a new field sent such a rush through my body. Although we didn’t do much because it was the first day, I can tell that it is going to be amazing! Everyone seems really nice and they seem to have a lot of fun. I’m already sore and it was an easy practice. I can barely feel my legs, my quads feel like they’re ripping off of my bones. It hurts so good. I can’t wait for tomorrow!
January 18th, 2009
Today was the first real practice of the season! Last night I could barely sleep. I felt like a little kid on christmas eve. It brought back the same feelings that I used to get the night before the first practice in high school, but this feeling was ten times better. When coach told us to run during winter break to prepare for these “ten tens” I had no idea she meant I needed to do 100 sprints. 100! I had no idea what I was in for. Thank God she saved the running until the end because I would not have been able to make it through practice after that.
February 28th, 2009
Wow. Coach announced the starting line up for Virginia Beach and I’m going to be playing shortstop! I was in shock when she said my name. Everyone was so happy for me. I couldn’t wait to call my mom and tell her. I am so excited!! We leave tomorrow! :)
February 29th, 2009
Coach Bob told me that he has big expectations for me this year. That made me so happy yet so nervous. I don’t want him to put me on a pedestal where it’ll be easy for me to disappoint.
February 30th, 2009
Never have I ever experienced a rush like I did today. Words can not explain how many butterflies were in my stomach. The warmup was so intense for the game. I was beyond nervous. I felt like I was going to throw up. The whole first inning I was on edge, I felt like I could cry. The second inning a ball was hit to me and I made the play, I felt relief instantly. I was back in my comfort zone and I knew I could do it. I deserved to be there.
March 10th, 2009
We leave for Florida today where we will play ten games! My feelings of nervousness and doubt are almost completely gone and I feel much better about myself. I can’t wait to hang out with my team! We’re all so close and have so much fun together! :)
April 4th, 2009
I don’t get it. I had a great warm up. My name was on the line up card. I was ready for them to announce my name, and they never did. I looked back up at the line up card and my name was crossed out. Why? What did I do? I know I’m not hitting that well but I’m not doing horrible! I’m so confused. I’ve been crying all night. She didn’t even give me a reason or a warning. This sucks.
April 5th, 2009
She thought I looked nervous. She didn’t think I was ready to play. That is the biggest load of shit I’ve ever heard. I was so pumped up for that game. I had such a good warm up. She told me today that she doesn’t think I’m ready. I’ll show her. I’m gonna work my ass off and prove her wrong. I deserve to be out there.
May 10th, 2009
Guess I really didn’t deserve it. We’re at regionals now at Ramapo. I’ve sat the last 24 games. I’ll never get used to this feeling. It sucks. I’ve never been a sitter. I love this sport and my teammates way too much to give up on it. Maybe next year she’ll come to her senses..
September 6th, 2009
First day of Fall Ball! Still so excited! This year is gonna be a lot of fun! I’m trying to come in with a positive attitude because I love this sport and my teammates way too much to give up on it.
May 10th, 2010
Well, that’s the end of our season. We found out today that we didn’t make it into regionals. We were banking on it. We were positive that we would be packing our things tomorrow and leaving. How could this happen? The seniors didn’t even know they were playing in their last game. I feel heart broken. I only got into about five games this season. I think I might be coming to the end of my rope..
September 7th, 2010
First day of fall ball! Still just as excited as I was freshman year. This feeling is great. I love this sport and my teammates way too much to give up on it.
January 22nd, 2010
Today was the first day of our regular season practices! It feels so great to be back in the gym. I think we’re going to be really good this year. All of us are so unbelievably close. We have big expectations for this season. Coach told me I should start working out at second base since Jenna graduated. I don’t care where I play as long as I’m on the field.
February 30th, 2011
We played our first games of the season in Virginia Beach today. I was the last one to play in the game. The very last one off the bench. I was so heated. When she told me to get up to bat I knew my anger would take control. The first pitch was low and outside. I hated outside pitches. I went for it anyway because I wasn’t thinking like I usually do. The ball came off the bat like a rocket. In one second it hit the right field fence. Wow. What an unbelievable feeling. In my eyes, I just proved her wrong.
Today was the first day of college softball practice. This is the first day of my college career. I was so excited and overwhelmed with so many emotions. Stepping onto a new field sent such a rush through my body. Although we didn’t do much because it was the first day, I can tell that it is going to be amazing! Everyone seems really nice and they seem to have a lot of fun. I’m already sore and it was an easy practice. I can barely feel my legs, my quads feel like they’re ripping off of my bones. It hurts so good. I can’t wait for tomorrow!
January 18th, 2009
Today was the first real practice of the season! Last night I could barely sleep. I felt like a little kid on christmas eve. It brought back the same feelings that I used to get the night before the first practice in high school, but this feeling was ten times better. When coach told us to run during winter break to prepare for these “ten tens” I had no idea she meant I needed to do 100 sprints. 100! I had no idea what I was in for. Thank God she saved the running until the end because I would not have been able to make it through practice after that.
February 28th, 2009
Wow. Coach announced the starting line up for Virginia Beach and I’m going to be playing shortstop! I was in shock when she said my name. Everyone was so happy for me. I couldn’t wait to call my mom and tell her. I am so excited!! We leave tomorrow! :)
February 29th, 2009
Coach Bob told me that he has big expectations for me this year. That made me so happy yet so nervous. I don’t want him to put me on a pedestal where it’ll be easy for me to disappoint.
February 30th, 2009
Never have I ever experienced a rush like I did today. Words can not explain how many butterflies were in my stomach. The warmup was so intense for the game. I was beyond nervous. I felt like I was going to throw up. The whole first inning I was on edge, I felt like I could cry. The second inning a ball was hit to me and I made the play, I felt relief instantly. I was back in my comfort zone and I knew I could do it. I deserved to be there.
March 10th, 2009
We leave for Florida today where we will play ten games! My feelings of nervousness and doubt are almost completely gone and I feel much better about myself. I can’t wait to hang out with my team! We’re all so close and have so much fun together! :)
April 4th, 2009
I don’t get it. I had a great warm up. My name was on the line up card. I was ready for them to announce my name, and they never did. I looked back up at the line up card and my name was crossed out. Why? What did I do? I know I’m not hitting that well but I’m not doing horrible! I’m so confused. I’ve been crying all night. She didn’t even give me a reason or a warning. This sucks.
April 5th, 2009
She thought I looked nervous. She didn’t think I was ready to play. That is the biggest load of shit I’ve ever heard. I was so pumped up for that game. I had such a good warm up. She told me today that she doesn’t think I’m ready. I’ll show her. I’m gonna work my ass off and prove her wrong. I deserve to be out there.
May 10th, 2009
Guess I really didn’t deserve it. We’re at regionals now at Ramapo. I’ve sat the last 24 games. I’ll never get used to this feeling. It sucks. I’ve never been a sitter. I love this sport and my teammates way too much to give up on it. Maybe next year she’ll come to her senses..
September 6th, 2009
First day of Fall Ball! Still so excited! This year is gonna be a lot of fun! I’m trying to come in with a positive attitude because I love this sport and my teammates way too much to give up on it.
May 10th, 2010
Well, that’s the end of our season. We found out today that we didn’t make it into regionals. We were banking on it. We were positive that we would be packing our things tomorrow and leaving. How could this happen? The seniors didn’t even know they were playing in their last game. I feel heart broken. I only got into about five games this season. I think I might be coming to the end of my rope..
September 7th, 2010
First day of fall ball! Still just as excited as I was freshman year. This feeling is great. I love this sport and my teammates way too much to give up on it.
January 22nd, 2010
Today was the first day of our regular season practices! It feels so great to be back in the gym. I think we’re going to be really good this year. All of us are so unbelievably close. We have big expectations for this season. Coach told me I should start working out at second base since Jenna graduated. I don’t care where I play as long as I’m on the field.
February 30th, 2011
We played our first games of the season in Virginia Beach today. I was the last one to play in the game. The very last one off the bench. I was so heated. When she told me to get up to bat I knew my anger would take control. The first pitch was low and outside. I hated outside pitches. I went for it anyway because I wasn’t thinking like I usually do. The ball came off the bat like a rocket. In one second it hit the right field fence. Wow. What an unbelievable feeling. In my eyes, I just proved her wrong.
Tonight we had our team meeting about the games today. Afterwards she asked me to come into her room to have a talk. Great. Just what I wanted to do, look at her face. She asked what was wrong. I laughed in her face and tried walking out. She demanded I come back, so I obeyed. I finally got everything off of my chest that I kept in for three years. I think she was shocked that I finally spoke up. The assistant coaches faces were priceless. Coach of course, denied everything and tried to sweet talk me like always. I’m tired of this bullshit. I don’t know how much longer I can handle it, but I love this sport and my teammates way too much to give up on it.
After our conversation, I thought something would change. Boy, was I wrong. The next week, we flew out to Florida to play our first real games of the season. We had ten of them.The first day I could feel I was receiving the cold shoulder from my coach. Great. Just what I needed to get my confidence up! Anyway, our first day of games came and I ignored her and just kept working hard in the pre-game warm ups, and honestly, I was the only one who didn’t miss a ball but she picked everyone else over me to play that day. It was the most frustrating thing in the world. We ended up losing both games that day. I didn’t see an inning on the field. After the games had ended and she gave our post game speech, I asked if I could talk to her. I asked her if anything I said to her last week mattered. Her response was “Are you fucking kidding me?” She screamed it in front of my teammates, best friends, parents, brothers and grandparents. I was mortified. That was the last straw. I stared her in the face and said, “Why do you treat me like a piece of shit? You clearly have no respect for me, how am I supposed to respect you? This game means way too much to me to put up with this every day, so I’m gonna do myself a favor and leave”.
I feel so lost without it.
That was it. I never in a million years could picture my softball career ending like that. Although I felt proud for standing up for myself, I was extremely depressed. I miss it so much every single day. It’s so unbelievably hard to walk by the softball field, seeing all of my best friends playing the sport that I love so much. It’s sad to say that I gave up on something that I loved, but it kept breaking my heart over and over again, and I wasn’t sure how much more I could handle. There comes a time when the pain just isn’t worth it anymore. Love is definitely worth fighting for, but it shouldn’t be painful, and once something becomes more of a disappointment than a joy, it’s time to give it up.
Nervous was an understatement. Days like this were what she lived for, but she still got the same anxiety every time. Once she collected herself, she began to get ready. She wiggled into her tight white pants, slipped into her silk top, and slid her foot into her shoes. She put her black eye liner on perfectly, as she did everyday, then she made sure her hair was good, looked in the mirror, grabbed her bag and her things and she was on her way. Click-clack click-clack down the hallway she went. A slight drop of nervous sweat dripped down her face. She walked out the door and her heart started beating faster, faster. Click-clack click-clack was the only sound she could hear. The walk seemed like miles, although it was only a short distance. As she began to see familiar faces, her heartbeat slowed down a bit. She opened the gate up and stepped onto the field. The click-clacking finally stopped as her feet finally touched the soft orange dirt. This was home for her. Today was a big day. It was game day. The biggest game of the year. She took a few deep breaths, stretched, jogged a bit to loosen up. After she was ready she got her glove on and threw the ball. At that very moment she woke up and was saddened because it was all just a dream.
Repetend: I love this sport and my teammates way too much to give up on it.
Afterward: I think that my place is the softball field, but I'm not exactly sure. I love the way my twitterive has developed and I am excited to see the direction it takes! I'd like to add more genres, such as music, quotes, and more narratives. In my blog I posed the question of incorporating more about my past softball experiences before college.
Afterward: I think that my place is the softball field, but I'm not exactly sure. I love the way my twitterive has developed and I am excited to see the direction it takes! I'd like to add more genres, such as music, quotes, and more narratives. In my blog I posed the question of incorporating more about my past softball experiences before college.