My Twitterive
Tweets that inspired me:
so weird that this is the first year without softball.. missing RUSB every day #sadtweet
beautiful day :) perfect day for a catch
someone have a catch with meee
loving this spring time weather! :)
days like this make me miss softball so much.. just got a quick catch in before class though :)
playing wiffle ball #love
keep having dreams about softball.. wahhhh
fine ill skip class to play outside today....
going to find an open softball field with @rhiruggiero and @ashleylandi10..perf :)
if god loved us he would make every day like today..
so weird that this is the first year without softball.. missing RUSB every day #sadtweet
beautiful day :) perfect day for a catch
someone have a catch with meee
loving this spring time weather! :)
days like this make me miss softball so much.. just got a quick catch in before class though :)
playing wiffle ball #love
keep having dreams about softball.. wahhhh
fine ill skip class to play outside today....
going to find an open softball field with @rhiruggiero and @ashleylandi10..perf :)
if god loved us he would make every day like today..
April 4th, 2009
I don’t get it. I had a great warm up. My name was on the line up card. I was ready for them to announce my name, and they never did. I looked back up at the line up card and my name was crossed out. Why? What did I do? I know I’m not hitting that well but I’m not doing horrible! I’m so confused. I’ve been crying all night. She didn’t even give me a reason or a warning. This sucks.
April 5th, 2009
She thought I looked nervous. She didn’t think I was ready to play. That is the biggest load of shit I’ve ever heard. I was so pumped up for that game. I had such a good warm up. She told me today that she doesn’t think I’m ready. I’ll show her. I’m gonna work my ass off and prove her wrong. I deserve to be out there.
I don’t get it. I had a great warm up. My name was on the line up card. I was ready for them to announce my name, and they never did. I looked back up at the line up card and my name was crossed out. Why? What did I do? I know I’m not hitting that well but I’m not doing horrible! I’m so confused. I’ve been crying all night. She didn’t even give me a reason or a warning. This sucks.
April 5th, 2009
She thought I looked nervous. She didn’t think I was ready to play. That is the biggest load of shit I’ve ever heard. I was so pumped up for that game. I had such a good warm up. She told me today that she doesn’t think I’m ready. I’ll show her. I’m gonna work my ass off and prove her wrong. I deserve to be out there.
The seasons went on, nothing changed.
February 30th, 2011
We played our first games of the season in Virginia Beach today. I was the last one to play in the game. The very last one off the bench. I was so heated. When she told me to get up to bat I knew my anger would take control. The first pitch was low and outside. I hated outside pitches. I went for it anyway because I wasn’t thinking like I usually do. The ball came off the bat like a rocket. In one second it hit the right field fence. Wow. What an unbelievable feeling. In my eyes, I just proved her wrong.
We played our first games of the season in Virginia Beach today. I was the last one to play in the game. The very last one off the bench. I was so heated. When she told me to get up to bat I knew my anger would take control. The first pitch was low and outside. I hated outside pitches. I went for it anyway because I wasn’t thinking like I usually do. The ball came off the bat like a rocket. In one second it hit the right field fence. Wow. What an unbelievable feeling. In my eyes, I just proved her wrong.
Tonight we had our team meeting about the games today. Afterwards she asked me to come into her room to have a talk. Great. Just what I wanted to do, look at her face. She asked what was wrong. I laughed in her face and tried walking out. She demanded I come back, so I obeyed. I finally got everything off of my chest that I kept in for three years. I think she was shocked that I finally spoke up. The assistant coaches faces were priceless. Coach of course, denied everything and tried to sweet talk me like always. I’m tired of this bullshit. I don’t know how much longer I can handle it, but I love this sport and my teammates way too much to give up on them.
After our conversation, I thought something would change. Boy, was I wrong. The next week, we flew out to Florida to play our first real games of the season. We had ten of them.The first day I could feel I was receiving the cold shoulder from my coach. Great. Just what I needed to get my confidence up! Anyway, our first day of games came and I ignored her and just kept working hard in the pre-game warm ups, and honestly, I was the only one who didn’t miss a ball but she picked everyone else over me to play that day. It was the most frustrating thing in the world. We ended up losing both games that day. I didn’t see an inning on the field. After the games had ended and she gave our post game speech, I asked if I could talk to her.
Me: Did anything I said last week matter to you?
Coach: Are you fucking kidding me?
Me: What?
Coach: You heard me.
.. I was shocked.
I went to turn away and when I turned around I saw how many people were standing around me. I went up to my parents and my grandparents. I didn’t know what to say I couldn’t find the words. After I spoke to my mom, she helped me figure out what to say. I collected myself, walked back up to her, took a deep breath and let it all out.
Me: Why do you talk to me like I’m a piece of shit? You have no respect for me. I don’t know how I’m supposed to respect you when it’s clear that you don’t respect me. This game means way too much to me to put up with this everyday, so I’m gonna do myself a favor and leave.
Coach: I respect you Alissa. I respect you as an athlete and a person. You’re one of my favorite players.
Me: It doesn’t seem that way. I’m done. I can’t do this anymore.
That was it. I walked away from something that I’ve loved my entire life.
Coach: Are you fucking kidding me?
Me: What?
Coach: You heard me.
.. I was shocked.
I went to turn away and when I turned around I saw how many people were standing around me. I went up to my parents and my grandparents. I didn’t know what to say I couldn’t find the words. After I spoke to my mom, she helped me figure out what to say. I collected myself, walked back up to her, took a deep breath and let it all out.
Me: Why do you talk to me like I’m a piece of shit? You have no respect for me. I don’t know how I’m supposed to respect you when it’s clear that you don’t respect me. This game means way too much to me to put up with this everyday, so I’m gonna do myself a favor and leave.
Coach: I respect you Alissa. I respect you as an athlete and a person. You’re one of my favorite players.
Me: It doesn’t seem that way. I’m done. I can’t do this anymore.
That was it. I walked away from something that I’ve loved my entire life.
I had no closure with my teammates or anything. That was it. It all happened so fast.
I had to go back to the house to get my stuff. I made sure my mom drove quickly so I could get back in time before my teammates came back. I couldn't face them yet. I wasn't ready yet. I got into the house, packed up my suitcase and left. As we were driving away my phone started ringing.
Before I could answer it, I told my mom to turn around.
"We have to go back mom! I have to say bye to Julie!"
"We have to go back mom! I have to say bye to Julie!"
Julie is my best friend on the team and she is also my roommate. I knew she wasn't really sure what was going on, but I guess she realized all of my stuff was missing from the house. She was crying when I picked up and the second I heard that, I began to cry. My first tears after quitting. She asked where I was and why I didn't say goodbye. I told her I was coming back. Although I knew I wasn't ready to say bye to my teammates, I owed it to them. I had to explain to them why I was leaving. I needed to say goodbye. I needed closure.
Julie met me on the front lawn and instantly the tears started flowing. I just hugged her and said I couldn't do it anymore. She repeatedly said, "What about me? What am I supposed to do now?" I reassured her that she would be fine without me. After we collected ourselves, I asked her if she could help me tell the girls. Thank God our coaches were in their house. I walked into the house and everyone just stopped and stared. I told them what had happened and individually they each gave me a hug and told me they supported my decision. Thats all I needed to hear, for now.
Julie met me on the front lawn and instantly the tears started flowing. I just hugged her and said I couldn't do it anymore. She repeatedly said, "What about me? What am I supposed to do now?" I reassured her that she would be fine without me. After we collected ourselves, I asked her if she could help me tell the girls. Thank God our coaches were in their house. I walked into the house and everyone just stopped and stared. I told them what had happened and individually they each gave me a hug and told me they supported my decision. Thats all I needed to hear, for now.
I feel so lost without it.
Never in a million years could I picture my softball career ending like that. Although I felt proud for standing up for myself, I was extremely depressed. I miss it so much every single day. It’s so unbelievably hard to walk by the softball field, seeing all of my best friends playing the sport that I love so much. It’s sad to say that I gave up on something that I loved, but it kept breaking my heart over and over again, and I wasn’t sure how much more I could handle. There comes a time when the pain just isn’t worth it anymore. Love is definitely worth fighting for, but it shouldn’t be painful, and once something becomes more of a disappointment than a joy, it’s time to give it up.
Nervous was an understatement. Days like this were what she lived for, but she still got the same anxiety every time. Once she collected herself, she began to get ready. She wiggled into her tight white pants, slipped into her silk top, and slid her foot into her shoes. She put her black eye liner on perfectly, as she did everyday, then she made sure her hair was good, looked in the mirror, grabbed her bag and her things and she was on her way. Click-clack click-clack down the hallway she went. A slight drop of nervous sweat dripped down her face. She walked out the door and her heart started beating faster, faster. Click-clack click-clack was the only sound she could hear. The walk seemed like miles, although it was only a short distance. As she began to see familiar faces, her heartbeat slowed down a bit. She opened the gate up and stepped onto the field. The click-clacking finally stopped as her feet finally touched the soft orange dirt. This was home for her. Today was a big day. It was game day. The biggest game of the year. She took a few deep breaths, stretched, jogged a bit to loosen up. After she was ready she got her glove on and threw the ball. At that very moment she woke up and was saddened because it was all just a dream.